Half-Sick Post #1 - Making Big Decisions Require Chart Paper and Fat Markers

I never had the handbook on parenting. I don't think I was issued one. To quote Indiana Jones, "I made it up as I went along."

When Joel was a senior in high school and had to decide what to do "for the rest of his life" he struggled. I didn't know what to do. Do I tell him what to do? Do I let him wander around aimlessly until the answer drops from the sky? So, I told him, "If you don't tell me what you're going to do after you graduate, I'm going to tell you what to do." Just to make sure he was on task, I asked him periodically, "Do you know what you're going to do?" This wasn't helpful at all. It just added to the pressure and made him angry.

Finally, in a fit of frustration (on both our parts) I got a stack of printer paper and a marker. I told him to tell me all the things that he's ever thought of doing, dreamed of doing, seemed reasonable (and unreasonable) to do and I would write them all down each on a piece of paper. I told hiim to not think about how much it might cost or how logical or illogcial it was - just say it!

So, after a while our entire living room floor was covered with pieces of paper with things like: move to Mississippi and go to Wesley College, stay at home and work at Kroger, move to Tybee Island and paint surfboards, become a professional drummer....well, you get the idea. It seemed good to get all the ideas out on the floor and look at them.

I don't think he made his final decision that night, but I think it was a relief to think that taking a year off and being a beach bum was a real option. He finally decided and went to college, graduated , met his wife and is married.

Not long ago, Katie was under a lot of pressure. We were discussing it all while we were in the teacher's supply store. I grabbed a pad of chart paper and a package of fat markers. We went home and listed all the things that were stressing her out. Every little thing. We crossed off the things that she couldn't do anything about and didn't have to think about anymore and narrowed it down to the big issues. We listed the things she needed to do. We prayed about the big issues. She felt better.

There's just something about writing it down and getting it out of your head and seeing it outside your head that makes you feel better.

I guess that's the beauty of blogging.