I Made It...

In an earlier post, I told you that I was going to make that number pillow and I did. I also made a pillow out of a kitchen towel that I bought years ago. Here they are...

I couldn't find white numbers at Michael's so I got the black ones and ironed them on a white tshirt. I think it worked out better since the futon cover is black. Thanks for the inspiration Alisa Burke!

Black Friday Blues

I always feel like I'm missing something when all the hoopla gets started about Black Friday. I hate shopping and so Black Friday has never been a draw for me. But everyone makes such a big deal about it I wonder what I'm missing. So, here I sit, coughing, watching commercials about the big sales, coughing, wondering if there is that great deal I'm missing and coughing.

Anyway, the creeping crud that I've been battling seems to be retreating a bit. I hope I'm winning.

For a spot of joy, here's Meg's sporty new look. Katie got her a sweater.

She may not look happy, but she really is. She was just a bit put out with me because I made her quit running and sit for a photo.

Half-Sick Post #2 - Joel and the Death of the Big 3

This is Joel about the time that it all went down.

If you believe in Santa or are waivering in your belief, read no further.

On Christmas Eve Steave and I stay up late wrapping the kids gifts and placing them under the tree with the Pope's Christmas Eve Mass blaring in the background. We still do it. We then place the gifts in the designated "gift place." (Sometimes I have a tree, sometimes I don't) We have never put who they were from on the gift tag. I never could bring myself to let Santa get the credit for all our hard work. But when they still believed in Santa, I didn't want a big confrontation on Christmas morning either. I just let them come to their own conclusions.

Now, Steave nor I ever told them there was or wasn't a Santa. Before we could decide what we wanted to do about it, it was thrust upon our kids by well-meaning schools, family and friends. "What's Santa going to bring you this year?" We just let it go, smiled and were non-committal.

The Tooth Fairy, too, arrived in the same sort of way. "How much did the tooth fairy leave you for that tooth?" The kids would look up at us, confused and I'd rush home and put some coins under their pillow. I didn't want them to think that the tooth fairy hated them or forgot about them.

I just figured they would "grow out of it" or realize what was going on and we'd laugh and they'd look at us with admiration at how silly parents can be when they love their kids. Boy, was I wrong!

One year, in a whirlwind of life's responsibilities and tragedies (my sister had died recently), I forgot to leave Joel some money for a tooth. Being the creative mom that I am, I devised the most clever plan in the history of parenthood. I got some magazines from the office where I worked and cut out travel pictures and wrote the most elaborate story of the "Tooth Fairy's Vacation" and how she was so sorry that she didn't leave money the night he put his tooth under his pillow but better late than never, right? I carefully tucked the scraps and copies in the paper recycling bin and was very proud of myself.

The next day, Joel came to my office after school and as usual he got paper out of the recycling bin to draw on. He dug real deep that day and yes, he found my scraps. He came to me with them in his hand. He wasn't happy. When we got home we had a talk in the back yard. He was crying and stomping. "The tooth fairy is a lie?" he shouted. "Yes." I said. "Is Santa a lie, too?" That was hard but I couldn't lie, he was having a life changing moment. He was leaving innocent childhood and moving into whatever that next stage is called. "Yes. Santa is a lie, too." I confessed. "But I never put 'from Santa' on the gifts" I said in a vain attempt to defend myself. "Is God and Jesus and all that a lie, too?" "Well, that I believe in." I said. "How do you know it's real when Santa and the tooth fairy are lies." He railed. "I don't know, I just believe it and you're going to have to figure that out for yourself." He continued to sob and stomp and he finally said, "Do all parents lie to their children? Is that all they do, LIE?" "I guess some do and some don't" I said. The words stung, but it was the truth. I did lie.

Poor Joel, that was a tough year. His aunt died, the tooth fairy died and Santa died, the Big 3. I really didn't want the harsh realities of life to be dumped on my son when he was only 7, but I couldn't stop it.

I think it was in that same year that Joel came to the conclusion that adults only have children so they can have their own personal slaves.

My 23 year old son graduated college with a degree in pastoral ministries and is on staff at a church in Mississippi. Maybe I didn't ruin him too badly.

Half-Sick Post #1 - Making Big Decisions Require Chart Paper and Fat Markers

I never had the handbook on parenting. I don't think I was issued one. To quote Indiana Jones, "I made it up as I went along."

When Joel was a senior in high school and had to decide what to do "for the rest of his life" he struggled. I didn't know what to do. Do I tell him what to do? Do I let him wander around aimlessly until the answer drops from the sky? So, I told him, "If you don't tell me what you're going to do after you graduate, I'm going to tell you what to do." Just to make sure he was on task, I asked him periodically, "Do you know what you're going to do?" This wasn't helpful at all. It just added to the pressure and made him angry.

Finally, in a fit of frustration (on both our parts) I got a stack of printer paper and a marker. I told him to tell me all the things that he's ever thought of doing, dreamed of doing, seemed reasonable (and unreasonable) to do and I would write them all down each on a piece of paper. I told hiim to not think about how much it might cost or how logical or illogcial it was - just say it!

So, after a while our entire living room floor was covered with pieces of paper with things like: move to Mississippi and go to Wesley College, stay at home and work at Kroger, move to Tybee Island and paint surfboards, become a professional drummer....well, you get the idea. It seemed good to get all the ideas out on the floor and look at them.

I don't think he made his final decision that night, but I think it was a relief to think that taking a year off and being a beach bum was a real option. He finally decided and went to college, graduated , met his wife and is married.

Not long ago, Katie was under a lot of pressure. We were discussing it all while we were in the teacher's supply store. I grabbed a pad of chart paper and a package of fat markers. We went home and listed all the things that were stressing her out. Every little thing. We crossed off the things that she couldn't do anything about and didn't have to think about anymore and narrowed it down to the big issues. We listed the things she needed to do. We prayed about the big issues. She felt better.

There's just something about writing it down and getting it out of your head and seeing it outside your head that makes you feel better.

I guess that's the beauty of blogging.

Half Sick + Thinking = Several Blog Posts

1. I hate being half-sick. Half-sick is where you can putter around the house a bit, but when you go to the grocery or out somewhere you feel all wobbly-kneed, weak and don't think you can make it home.

2. I really should not have time to think. I usually keep myself busy. If you know me, I have the computer going, the tv going and/or fiddling with this and that. I go to sleep with the tv blaring because when I have nothing to focus on - I think. And when the hamster wheel gets turning, it's hard to stop it.

3. Being half-sick, I don't have the strength to "do" anything and I'm tired of watching things on tv or computer. So, I've been thinking and so I've decided to blog about what I've been thinking.

Thanksgiving Dinner in 20 Minutes (or so)

Happy Early Thanksgiving!

Steave has to work on Thanksgiving and since yesterday was his only day off this week I wanted to fix him a Thanksgiving meal. Well, I'm not feeling so well with a cold, therefore the dinner had to be quick and easy. So, I got some Boar's Head turkey breast from the deli, Stove top stuffing, a jar of gravy, canned green beans, a jar of onions and creamed them (it's a Libramento family tradition) and popped a couple of sweet potatoes in the microwave for 15 minutes. Steave had Thanksgiving dinner in 20 minutes.

True, it didn't taste as good as the traditional, "slave away in the kitchen for days" dinner, but at least it was something.

Oh, yeah, I made a sugar-free pumpkin pie, so I guess that took longer than 20 minutes. 5 minutes prep and 50 minutes baking time. It turned out surprisingly well to be sugar free.

Jill's Netflix Movie Reviews

I have a sore throat today. I feel bad enough to be housebound, but not sick enough to be bed-ridden. So, I'm sitting here in 2 sweaters drinking C-Boost and I decided I'd catch you up on my latest netflix movie watching. They are in no particular order.

The Cherry Orchard. I was drawn to this because it is a classic play that I have never seen. It also has Gerard Butler in it and as I am a fan, I watched it. It's an early performance and it is horrid as is a lot of his early work. I have watched a lot of Gerard's movies and I am beginning to think that "300" and "P.S. I Love You" was the height of his career. It is long and pretty boring, it took me 2 sessions to finish it but I feel good (in "I just ate my vegetables" sort of way) that now I finally know the classic story.

Ondine. I loved it!! I'm not going to say much because I don't want to spoil it for you. A cool story and Irish accents, it's hard to ruin that. And Colin Farrell is not hard to look at either. Watch it!

Kadosh. Very interesting peek into Orthodox Jewish life. The cover makes it look more provokative than it is. There are a couple of sex scenes but the story is good. (I say that for my student's benefit) If you can't make it through the whole movie, at least watch the opening scenes.

Babies. Loved it! Watch it! You may say, "Jill, how can almost 2 hours of watching babies with no narration or dialog be any good?" Just watch it!

Bright Star. Beautiful. Sad story. Beautiful images. Watch it!

John James Audubon. Documentary about the famous artist. Very good! Watch it!

Everlasting Moments. Ok, this is where you and I will part ways. I loved it!! It is a very sad and depressing story - domestic violence - but I fell in love with the the main character, a strong creative woman who falls in love with photography. I love the way the movie looks.

The Last Song.  I had to watch it because it was filmed on Tybee Island, one of my most favorite spots in the world and I love Greg Kinnear. But it was so stinking hard to watch!!!! Miley Cyrus is such a bad actress it hurts. But it was fun to see places that I know on Tybee. And Greg Kinnear's performance was really pretty good. Watch it if you dare.

Indie Craft Experience

Today, Steave and I went to the Indie Craft Experience Holiday Shopping Spectacular at the Ambient Plus Studio in Atlanta. It was very cool! They had a lot of great artists selling their wares. Ambient Studio was in an old factory with long windows (great lighting!). It was very hip, verging on groovy. Here are some photos:

Dog Questions Answered

In case you didn't know, I love animals, but I have a hard time living with them - mostly because I have extremely high expectations of them. I basically want them to act like humans.

Here are my rules for dogs:
1. Don't poop or pee in my house.
2. Don't get in the garbage.
3. Don't get on my bed.
4. Don't bring any parasites into my house i.e. fleas, ticks, worms and I will help you with that.
5. Don't be rude to guests by jumping on them, licking or biting them or begging for food. And don't do that to me, either.
6. Bark at strangers, but don't go on and on about it.

Birds, cats and fish have their own set of rules. There's a whole thing about slinging your seeds and the litter box,  but I won't go into that.

Anyway, I'm straying from my main point. I watched a really cool video, if you are at all interested in animal behavior. I am extremely interested in it. So much so that two of my dream jobs would be to assist Jane Goodall in observing chimps ...

or Jacques Couteau on his beloved "Calypso." (though I'm a little late for that RIP Jacques.)

Again, I drift, anyway, it was a Nova video about research done on dogs. Did they really come from wolves? Are they just domesticated wolves? What kind of intelligence do they have? Can they really read human emotions? Are we accurately reading them?

If you're at all interested, you should check it out. It's on netflix instant play.

I Will Be Making This...

I love Alisa Burke's work and I will be making this pillow for my futon.

http://alisaburke.blogspot.com/2010/11/black-and-white-numbers-pillow-tutorial.html

Rainy Days and Mondays...

I'm slowing down as I take the exit ramp off of a high-speed, emotionally-propelled weekend.

Joel and Katie #2 came in from Mississippi and stayed the weekend. They had to jump on our activity train and hang on for dear life. I hate it when they are here for a short time and we have a million things to do, but they were very sweet and joined in. Katie #1 did not go to Butler for the weekend, but stayed to sing at a concert, attend our church Homecoming and visit with her brother and sister-in-law. It was good to have her around for a change.

We had my school's Fall Festival on Saturday. Then our church hosted a concert with Gospel singing legend, Russ Taff. (See photo on the right) Then Sunday morning we had Homecoming service and "dinner on the grounds" (not really, just lunch) and we got to see a lot of people we haven't seen in a long time.

It was all great, just very emotional, and you know how I hate extreme emotion. So, I'm winding down, changing gears, taking it down a few notches.

Today, it's raining. It's nice for a change. I could have slept in today, but couldn't. When I can sleep in, I can't. My internal clock usually wakes me up at 5:30, but today I could have just slept right on through it.

I had "Relaxing Spanish Guitar" playing in my classroom and that with the lamplight that I'm using makes for a very soothing atmosphere. So, it was a mellow day at school. Nice.

I really enjoyed Nora Ephron's book, "I Feel Bad About My Neck." I had to get it because I feel bad about mine, too. I thought I was the only one. Now, I am enjoying another one of her books, "I Remember Nothing." She is so funny talking about growing older. She has a great sense of humor. Of course she would, she wrote "You've Got Mail" and "When Harry Met Sally." I love those movies. Great dialog.

I'm still waiting to hear from the president of a college that I applied to. He talking about me with a president of another college. I'll be glad when they finally get around to talking to me.

Well, that's an update from me as I sit here eating a cinnamon bagel and a glass of milk with Meg watching me like a sphinx hoping I'll drop something.

A Thankful Friday

I am thankful...

1. that it's Friday.
2. I have a new sweater.
3. Joel and Katie are here for a visit.
4. they are going to bring me lunch.
5. I have a new art magazine.
6. I got Nora Ephron's new book
7. the house is clean at this moment.
8. all my laundry is done at this moment.

Clean Lines and Clear Surfaces

My sister said, "When you can't change the big things in your life, rearrange the furniture." My sister rearranged her furniture all the time.

I don't rearrange furniture but I'm am obsessed about having my own time. I want free time to do what I want. But not only that, I don't want anything on my mental to-do list either. I want free time without anything breathing down my neck. When I feel overwhelmed with things to do, I go insane organizing things. I think that if "everything has a place and every place has a thing" then the house will stay clean and that will free me up to have my own time. There was an old show called, "Absolutely Fabulous" and I remember a line from it, "I like clean lines and clear surfaces." I like that, too. 

Right now I have too many things going on at once and therefore I am obsessed about straightening up. I'm straightening up the areas that are straightened up. 

So, I force myself to chill out and blog and go watch something on netflix.
Goodnight Gracie.

It's More Fun With Your Hands Up!!

I don't enjoy extreme emotion. I enjoy being ecstatic about as much as I enjoy being in sorrow. I don't like either.

I've tried to analyze why this is and I have decided I am this way for 2 reasons: one, I am a highly sensitive person and extreme emotions are very, very extreme with me and it's exhausting and two, growing up my "feelers" got worn out with too much emotion.

Growing up I never felt calm or bored. There was always something extreme going on. People dying, people angry, people leaving, people divorcing, people sick and on the verge of dying, people being killed. It was just too much feeling and my "feelers" got wore out.

When you get really, really happy - ecstasy, euphoria, etc. there's always the coming down from that high which is not enjoyable at all. And, well, sorrow and grief, they speak for themselves. I always worried that I would never be able to find my way out of the darkness of sadness.

So, I like mediocrity, mundane, boredom. I love it when NOTHING exciting is going on.

Anyway, for the past few weeks I have had to live in extreme emotion. One of my students died tragically in a car accident. A happy, talented, handsome young man - gone. It's been very difficult to make it through the days without him in class, his classmates tears, the funeral, the memorials, the events dedicated to him. Until last week his class work was still in the basket to be graded.

Then, yesterday we had the final "night of celebration" for a group of young ladies that I have been mentoring for several months. At the celebration, their fathers "blessed" them. The dads very eloquently told their daughters how special they are and how much they are loved. It was very moving. To tears moving.

I've been on this roller coaster of emotion and I'm ready to get off now. I never really could put my hands up because I was afraid I would fall out of the car and I don't really think it makes the ride more fun, more dangerous maybe, but why add more fear to fear? 

Don't do anything fancy to my turkey this year. Don't mess with the sweet potatoes or dressing. Just give me plain ole boring Thanksgiving food. Let me sit on the couch fat and happy. I don't want to be moved to tears. I don't want to get worked up to a frenzy over a football game.

Just like when a tuning fork that has been hit finally finishes vibrating and is silent - that's the way I want to be.

Katie's Self Portrait

The purpose of Katie getting her own blog was to show her work. Well, that's not happening, so, being the proud mother I am, here's another piece she just did. It's her self-portrait. I love it because it looks like a children's book illustration and it's happy.

And here's Katie so you can compare...