Feeling A Little Brackish

I'm back from my trip to Mississippi. I've been cleaning house and putting things back in order - reclaiming my territory. Things went wrong in the fridge while we were gone. Dust and dog hair crept out of the corners and from under the furniture and partied while we were absent. It's satisfying to put things aright. After the work's done, there's peace.

During the cleaning I was trying to think about what I would say here on my blog. I wanted to be clever and entertaining. I wanted to tell you about interesting discoveries, food, activities and experiences. I may still tell you about all that, but at this time all I express has an undertone of sadness. 3 reasons...

One is that I am in possession of the schizophrenic heart of a mother. If you're a mother you totally understand the incredible capacity we have to have living in our hearts two polar opposite emotions - at the same time! I went down and saw my son and daughter-in-law's home and life. I am overwhelmed with pride at how they have taken a little condominium and made it their own. So creative and comfortable! I'm so proud at how they've taken the town and made it their own. They have explored and discovered and they are participating in the community! They perform at Open Mic Nights at coffee shops, they attend art shows and concerts. They've found parks and beaches and shops and fellow artists.

I'm so proud at how Joel is doing so well at his job at the church. The people are allowing him to use his creativity and unique expression. Something that I was worried that would get squelched for more traditional "ministry." I am impressed at how Katie is taking charge and going on job interviews. She will get a job soon. They are making friends. It's all incredibly wonderful and I am so proud!

Then comes the insanity. At the very same time I feel grief. I'm sad because I see with my own eyes that my boy won't be coming home. He really is grown up. He really is not my little boy anymore.

That's one. Two - I LOVE the ocean! We rented an incredibly beautiful and comfortable house right on the Gulf. Maybe 10 steps from the water. I sat with the sea and I was sad. The oil spill made me sad. I saw hermit crabs with tar balls on them. I saw Laughing Gulls fishing in oily water. The elegant blue heron carefully stepping through the sludge. The ocean is always beautiful, I was glad to be there and the oil well was capped during our visit - but I felt like I was bedside of a sick friend. He will recover, but it will be a while.

Three...Ocean Springs, Biloxi and New Orleans was severely damaged by Katrina 5 years ago and the devastation is still evident. They are rebuilding, in fact, the house we stayed it was leveled but the owners rebuilt it. The people are resillient, it's amazing, but there are still abandoned buildings and houses. The trees were all stripped of their branches, but they are regrowing fuzzy leafy arms all over their trunks. It's strange looking, but there is life and regrowth.

All three - my son, the ocean, the communities are all doing very well, extremely well. But there was just an undercurrent of sadness. You might read this and say that I'm a "glass is half empty person" but I see what I see, I feel what I feel. It was a great trip and I'd do it over in a heartbeat, so don't think I'm being depressing when I say I feel a little brackish. The place of brackish water is where fresh water and sea water mix. The trick is learning to live in either and in between.

I feel that I'm getting a cosmic lesson these days. Something akin to putting salt on watermelon to bring out the flavor.