I’m
writing this for a few people I know and then I thought I would just put it out
there for the unknown others who may appreciate my words which I hope will be
affirming, encouraging and helpful. Please understand that I am writing this
from my own, limited experience and from my perspective of being a Christian. I
am sharing what I have come to understand in myself and have witnessed in
others. I am not interested in a debate. Take it or leave it.
I almost don’t want to bring up the topic of introversion
vs. extroversion because it often seems to bring out strong emotions from
people. Some introverts don’t want to talk about it because it brings too much
attention to them and other introverts begin to rally together to force the
world to apologize for labeling them as “weird.” Still others are just happy
that they now have a clinical diagnosis and an excuse to live as a hermit
buried in their books and avoid the people who get on their nerves. Extroverts
seem to just laugh at us, shake their heads and say, “they just need to buck
up.”
I am a self-diagnosed introvert meaning after reading
several books and numerous articles, I think I fit the definition. I’m also a
Christian, meaning that I acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, read
Scripture, pray and submit to the Holy Spirit’s leading to make choices and lean
on Him to help me change to be more like Jesus. So, I have discovered that even
though I fit a psychological definition of an introvert, I have a higher
spiritual obligation to conform to a biblical definition of a follower of
Christ. That means that even though my natural response to a situation may be
one of an introvert, there will be times when the Holy Spirit will require me
to respond in a way that may be more difficult or uncomfortable for me but more
necessary for the Kingdom.
Christian ministry is all about people and being with
people and how it affects an introvert or extrovert is the crux of the problem.
Since Christianity is all about people, when an introvert needs to get away
from people to recharge this can be interpreted negatively. They are often
viewed as selfish or weak or as having a lack of caring or a lack of Christian
dedication. An extrovert very rarely needs time away from people, in fact, when
an extrovert is exhausted it is time with friends and family that energizes
them. An extrovert thrives in a typical, active church because there are
activities and meetings to keep them from being bored and lots of social
interaction to keep them energized. For example, a minister or a dedicated
member’s week could look like this: Monday, building committee meeting.
Tuesday, small group home bible study or visitation. Wednesday, teaching a
class at church. Thursday, music practice. Friday, youth bowling outing.
Saturday, breakfast meeting and church building maintenance. Sunday, morning
and evening service with eating meals with others after each service. To an
extrovert, this is an exciting week. An introvert dreads this kind of week.
They stress out trying to decide which event they can skip without getting the
inevitable push back from fellow Christians. They dread the accusations that
they don’t care or aren’t dedicated. They hate the stress of trying to find
valid excuses just so they can get some time to recharge. Not having
understanding or support many of the introverts in our churches are being
stressed and are burning out and even more often being unfairly judged as
anti-social, aloof or uncaring.
The reason Christian introverts get exhausted being
around people is because when they enter a room they will have immediately
noticed the temperature of the room, the arrangement of the furniture and will
be aware of any strong odors or uncomfortable lighting. They will also notice
how all this affects the people in the room. They will quickly evaluate
everyone’s mood and will quickly pick up on any anger or hostility. They will
easily notice if someone is troubled and intuitively know how to encourage them.
An introvert will often be overwhelmed with the flood of all this information
and will shut down to a degree and zero in on one person or a small group of
people with whom they are familiar until they’ve had time to process the
information. This is when they are usually called “shy” or “socially awkward.” That’s
not true, rather when they do talk to someone, that person has the introvert’s
100% attention. This is draining for the introvert especially if they are
required to socialize with a lot of people. The introvert is usually ready to
leave before anyone else because in the short amount of time they’ve been there
they’ve given it their all. Why is this a problem?? I believe this is a gift. Some
of the greatest moments we read about in Christ’s life is when He had
one-on-one time with individuals. Jesus Himself was sensitive to the needs of
those around Him. He was even aware when a woman touched the hem of His garment
when He was in a large crowd. When an introvert is led by the Holy Spirit they
will be powerful encouragers, amazing ministers and people will be blessed by
their singular attention.
Christian introverts need time to be alone. Since
introverts take in all the details of their environment, familiar, comfortable,
less stimulating surroundings is needed for rest and recharging. Alone time is
absolutely necessary for a Christian introvert to continue to minister and give
out. Often after Jesus ministered to the large crowds he went away alone to
pray. Time alone is not such a weird idea. If an introvert doesn’t get alone
time they will become irritable, ineffective and run the risk of burning out.
It’s not such a strange idea for a minister to eat and sleep to keep his body
in good condition and to give it strength. Why is it such a foreign idea for a
minister to give their mind and spirit rest and sustenance to keep going? Maybe
because we don’t believe it’s really necessary or because the way it is achieved
is different from extroverts. An
extrovert can find rest in the midst of friends and activity. Introverts often
need solitude and very little stimulation. Why do people find that so strange?
Christian introverts have only a few close friends. This
can be a problem in a church setting because Christians often believe they must
be close to every Christian they know. Introverts give so much to the ones
close to them that they cannot possibly give that much to everyone they know. Often
those people close to them are their family members because their family understands
them and often are like them. And to be honest, it’s just exhausting trying to
be friends with people who don’t understand you and are constantly trying to “help”
you out of what they feel is a problem - which is actually the way you were
designed by God - and become more like them. When Jesus was on the earth was He
close to everyone He met? No, to the Twelve.
In Christianity, introverts are often the encouragers,
the wisdom-givers, the prophets, the intuitive, those who care for the wounded
and the young. They need to be appreciated for what they bring to the Body. I
really wish we could stop insulting and belittling the introverts for needing
their time and space. We need to allow them to function how they were designed.
I wish introverts didn’t have to
apologize for needing time alone away from the crowds. I wish true introverts would
look carefully at how God made them and stop giving introverts a bad name by
being lazy and afraid to push past their comfort zone when the Holy Spirit
leads and for abusing their God-given design by using it as an excuse to avoid
conflict and discomfort. We need to realize that sacrifice is not a “one size
fits all.” I don’t believe that people realize just how much personal comfort
and peace introverts sacrifice to conform to Christian expectations. It’s time
we appreciated our differences and welcomed the various gifts God gives to men.
We need to allow people to live in the healthiest way possible – the way Christ
showed us.
