In a Cloud of Nostalgia

"I feel like I've never had a home, you know? I don't know exactly where I fit in... There's always this kind of nostalgia for a place, a place where you can reckon with yourself."
~Sam Shepard

That's me on the far right with my hand on my hip. I can't remember if this is my high school graduation party or my 18th birthday.

I dreamed the other night that I was giving my daughter a tour of the house I grew up in. I was very excited to show her all the little details that were interesting to me - the glass doorknobs, the pushbutton light switches, etc.

I'm putting together a little cookbook for Katie with recipes from family and friends and including little stories and memories in it.

My last child's upcoming wedding marks the end of a chapter and the beginning of another.

I found an old friend on facebook. A flood of memories came back of the time right before that picture above was taken. In looking through his photographs, I was reminded of North Carolina beaches and Calabash seafood, the best in the world.

See. I'm in a cloud of nostalgia.

I always struggle (and anyone who reads my blog or hears me talk knows ad nauseum) with feeling like I belong. I am very jealous of those who can say: "I am from..." and you can see it in them, you can hear it in their speech, you can see traces of it in what they do.

I want to feel like I belong somewhere. I was born, raised and grew up in NC but I never felt like I fit in there. When I moved to GA I felt more at home with the people here, but I still feel like an outsider. 

I want to go "home" and sit and think about what I've done and where I've been. I want to reckon with myself.