My Thoughts About The Christian Introvert

I’m writing this for a few people I know and then I thought I would just put it out there for the unknown others who may appreciate my words which I hope will be affirming, encouraging and helpful. Please understand that I am writing this from my own, limited experience and from my perspective of being a Christian. I am sharing what I have come to understand in myself and have witnessed in others. I am not interested in a debate. Take it or leave it.

        

            I almost don’t want to bring up the topic of introversion vs. extroversion because it often seems to bring out strong emotions from people. Some introverts don’t want to talk about it because it brings too much attention to them and other introverts begin to rally together to force the world to apologize for labeling them as “weird.” Still others are just happy that they now have a clinical diagnosis and an excuse to live as a hermit buried in their books and avoid the people who get on their nerves. Extroverts seem to just laugh at us, shake their heads and say, “they just need to buck up.”

            I am a self-diagnosed introvert meaning after reading several books and numerous articles, I think I fit the definition. I’m also a Christian, meaning that I acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, read Scripture, pray and submit to the Holy Spirit’s leading to make choices and lean on Him to help me change to be more like Jesus. So, I have discovered that even though I fit a psychological definition of an introvert, I have a higher spiritual obligation to conform to a biblical definition of a follower of Christ. That means that even though my natural response to a situation may be one of an introvert, there will be times when the Holy Spirit will require me to respond in a way that may be more difficult or uncomfortable for me but more necessary for the Kingdom.

             In Christianity sacrifice is a highly respected idea. This idea has been woven and infused into what a Christian is and what a Christian does. A Christian is expected to be a person who gives until they die and one who will sacrifice all they are and all they have for the Kingdom. This is true and good when the Holy Spirit leads, but I believe that these ideas are often abused. For example, a pastor is often expected to sacrifice time with his family to be at the beck and call of his flock. If he is led by the Holy Spirit, it will be fine. However, if he allows people to tell him when to jump and how high, his family will suffer. Another example is that many professional ministers are expected to work long hours with little or no pay. If the minister protests he is considered selfish and is reminded that he should be willing to sacrifice for the ministry. I bring this up in the context of introversion and extroversion because I believe what people think constitutes sacrifice is skewed in favor of the extrovert and misunderstood in the introvert. The basic difference between the two is a matter of energy: what drains a person and what recharges a person and how that is interpreted in Christianity.

            Christian ministry is all about people and being with people and how it affects an introvert or extrovert is the crux of the problem. Since Christianity is all about people, when an introvert needs to get away from people to recharge this can be interpreted negatively. They are often viewed as selfish or weak or as having a lack of caring or a lack of Christian dedication. An extrovert very rarely needs time away from people, in fact, when an extrovert is exhausted it is time with friends and family that energizes them. An extrovert thrives in a typical, active church because there are activities and meetings to keep them from being bored and lots of social interaction to keep them energized. For example, a minister or a dedicated member’s week could look like this: Monday, building committee meeting. Tuesday, small group home bible study or visitation. Wednesday, teaching a class at church. Thursday, music practice. Friday, youth bowling outing. Saturday, breakfast meeting and church building maintenance. Sunday, morning and evening service with eating meals with others after each service. To an extrovert, this is an exciting week. An introvert dreads this kind of week. They stress out trying to decide which event they can skip without getting the inevitable push back from fellow Christians. They dread the accusations that they don’t care or aren’t dedicated. They hate the stress of trying to find valid excuses just so they can get some time to recharge. Not having understanding or support many of the introverts in our churches are being stressed and are burning out and even more often being unfairly judged as anti-social, aloof or uncaring.  

             I have come to believe that extroverts and others who haven’t really thought about it or taken time to do any self-reflection don’t believe that introversion is real. They really think it is an excuse to be lazy or selfish. (Let me say that there are some people who can be that way, but a dedicated follower of Christ will have self-control and will be willing to give of themselves.) I want to encourage Christians to recognize the reality of introversion and begin to view it differently. Instead of seeing themselves negatively I want introverts to appreciate the gifts they bring to the Body. I want them to understand the way they were designed and understand how to care and protect how God has created them. Introverts often say things such as: I get exhausted being around people, I just want to be by myself, and I don’t have a lot of friends. Instead of these being such negative things, perhaps we can see them as just a matter of fact and not so foreign from the way Christ Himself was when He was on earth.

            The reason Christian introverts get exhausted being around people is because when they enter a room they will have immediately noticed the temperature of the room, the arrangement of the furniture and will be aware of any strong odors or uncomfortable lighting. They will also notice how all this affects the people in the room. They will quickly evaluate everyone’s mood and will quickly pick up on any anger or hostility. They will easily notice if someone is troubled and intuitively know how to encourage them. An introvert will often be overwhelmed with the flood of all this information and will shut down to a degree and zero in on one person or a small group of people with whom they are familiar until they’ve had time to process the information. This is when they are usually called “shy” or “socially awkward.” That’s not true, rather when they do talk to someone, that person has the introvert’s 100% attention. This is draining for the introvert especially if they are required to socialize with a lot of people. The introvert is usually ready to leave before anyone else because in the short amount of time they’ve been there they’ve given it their all. Why is this a problem?? I believe this is a gift. Some of the greatest moments we read about in Christ’s life is when He had one-on-one time with individuals. Jesus Himself was sensitive to the needs of those around Him. He was even aware when a woman touched the hem of His garment when He was in a large crowd. When an introvert is led by the Holy Spirit they will be powerful encouragers, amazing ministers and people will be blessed by their singular attention.

            Christian introverts need time to be alone. Since introverts take in all the details of their environment, familiar, comfortable, less stimulating surroundings is needed for rest and recharging. Alone time is absolutely necessary for a Christian introvert to continue to minister and give out. Often after Jesus ministered to the large crowds he went away alone to pray. Time alone is not such a weird idea. If an introvert doesn’t get alone time they will become irritable, ineffective and run the risk of burning out. It’s not such a strange idea for a minister to eat and sleep to keep his body in good condition and to give it strength. Why is it such a foreign idea for a minister to give their mind and spirit rest and sustenance to keep going? Maybe because we don’t believe it’s really necessary or because the way it is achieved is different from extroverts.  An extrovert can find rest in the midst of friends and activity. Introverts often need solitude and very little stimulation. Why do people find that so strange?

            Christian introverts have only a few close friends. This can be a problem in a church setting because Christians often believe they must be close to every Christian they know. Introverts give so much to the ones close to them that they cannot possibly give that much to everyone they know. Often those people close to them are their family members because their family understands them and often are like them. And to be honest, it’s just exhausting trying to be friends with people who don’t understand you and are constantly trying to “help” you out of what they feel is a problem - which is actually the way you were designed by God - and become more like them. When Jesus was on the earth was He close to everyone He met? No, to the Twelve.

            In Christianity, introverts are often the encouragers, the wisdom-givers, the prophets, the intuitive, those who care for the wounded and the young. They need to be appreciated for what they bring to the Body. I really wish we could stop insulting and belittling the introverts for needing their time and space. We need to allow them to function how they were designed.  I wish introverts didn’t have to apologize for needing time alone away from the crowds. I wish true introverts would look carefully at how God made them and stop giving introverts a bad name by being lazy and afraid to push past their comfort zone when the Holy Spirit leads and for abusing their God-given design by using it as an excuse to avoid conflict and discomfort. We need to realize that sacrifice is not a “one size fits all.” I don’t believe that people realize just how much personal comfort and peace introverts sacrifice to conform to Christian expectations. It’s time we appreciated our differences and welcomed the various gifts God gives to men. We need to allow people to live in the healthiest way possible – the way Christ showed us.