Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My Thoughts About The Christian Introvert



I’m writing this for a few people I know and then I thought I would just put it out there for the unknown others who may appreciate my words which I hope will be affirming, encouraging and helpful. Please understand that I am writing this from my own, limited experience and from my perspective of being a Christian. I am sharing what I have come to understand in myself and have witnessed in others. I am not interested in a debate. Take it or leave it.
        
            I almost don’t want to bring up the topic of introversion vs. extroversion because it often seems to bring out strong emotions from people. Some introverts don’t want to talk about it because it brings too much attention to them and other introverts begin to rally together to force the world to apologize for labeling them as “weird.” Still others are just happy that they now have a clinical diagnosis and an excuse to live as a hermit buried in their books and avoid the people who get on their nerves. Extroverts seem to just laugh at us, shake their heads and say, “they just need to buck up.”

            I am a self-diagnosed introvert meaning after reading several books and numerous articles, I think I fit the definition. I’m also a Christian, meaning that I acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, read Scripture, pray and submit to the Holy Spirit’s leading to make choices and lean on Him to help me change to be more like Jesus. So, I have discovered that even though I fit a psychological definition of an introvert, I have a higher spiritual obligation to conform to a biblical definition of a follower of Christ. That means that even though my natural response to a situation may be one of an introvert, there will be times when the Holy Spirit will require me to respond in a way that may be more difficult or uncomfortable for me but more necessary for the Kingdom.

             In Christianity sacrifice is a highly respected idea. This idea has been woven and infused into what a Christian is and what a Christian does. A Christian is expected to be a person who gives until they die and one who will sacrifice all they are and all they have for the Kingdom. This is true and good when the Holy Spirit leads, but I believe that these ideas are often abused. For example, a pastor is often expected to sacrifice time with his family to be at the beck and call of his flock. If he is led by the Holy Spirit, it will be fine. However, if he allows people to tell him when to jump and how high, his family will suffer. Another example is that many professional ministers are expected to work long hours with little or no pay. If the minister protests he is considered selfish and is reminded that he should be willing to sacrifice for the ministry. I bring this up in the context of introversion and extroversion because I believe what people think constitutes sacrifice is skewed in favor of the extrovert and misunderstood in the introvert. The basic difference between the two is a matter of energy: what drains a person and what recharges a person and how that is interpreted in Christianity.

            Christian ministry is all about people and being with people and how it affects an introvert or extrovert is the crux of the problem. Since Christianity is all about people, when an introvert needs to get away from people to recharge this can be interpreted negatively. They are often viewed as selfish or weak or as having a lack of caring or a lack of Christian dedication. An extrovert very rarely needs time away from people, in fact, when an extrovert is exhausted it is time with friends and family that energizes them. An extrovert thrives in a typical, active church because there are activities and meetings to keep them from being bored and lots of social interaction to keep them energized. For example, a minister or a dedicated member’s week could look like this: Monday, building committee meeting. Tuesday, small group home bible study or visitation. Wednesday, teaching a class at church. Thursday, music practice. Friday, youth bowling outing. Saturday, breakfast meeting and church building maintenance. Sunday, morning and evening service with eating meals with others after each service. To an extrovert, this is an exciting week. An introvert dreads this kind of week. They stress out trying to decide which event they can skip without getting the inevitable push back from fellow Christians. They dread the accusations that they don’t care or aren’t dedicated. They hate the stress of trying to find valid excuses just so they can get some time to recharge. Not having understanding or support many of the introverts in our churches are being stressed and are burning out and even more often being unfairly judged as anti-social, aloof or uncaring.  

             I have come to believe that extroverts and others who haven’t really thought about it or taken time to do any self-reflection don’t believe that introversion is real. They really think it is an excuse to be lazy or selfish. (Let me say that there are some people who can be that way, but a dedicated follower of Christ will have self-control and will be willing to give of themselves.) I want to encourage Christians to recognize the reality of introversion and begin to view it differently. Instead of seeing themselves negatively I want introverts to appreciate the gifts they bring to the Body. I want them to understand the way they were designed and understand how to care and protect how God has created them. Introverts often say things such as: I get exhausted being around people, I just want to be by myself, and I don’t have a lot of friends. Instead of these being such negative things, perhaps we can see them as just a matter of fact and not so foreign from the way Christ Himself was when He was on earth.

            The reason Christian introverts get exhausted being around people is because when they enter a room they will have immediately noticed the temperature of the room, the arrangement of the furniture and will be aware of any strong odors or uncomfortable lighting. They will also notice how all this affects the people in the room. They will quickly evaluate everyone’s mood and will quickly pick up on any anger or hostility. They will easily notice if someone is troubled and intuitively know how to encourage them. An introvert will often be overwhelmed with the flood of all this information and will shut down to a degree and zero in on one person or a small group of people with whom they are familiar until they’ve had time to process the information. This is when they are usually called “shy” or “socially awkward.” That’s not true, rather when they do talk to someone, that person has the introvert’s 100% attention. This is draining for the introvert especially if they are required to socialize with a lot of people. The introvert is usually ready to leave before anyone else because in the short amount of time they’ve been there they’ve given it their all. Why is this a problem?? I believe this is a gift. Some of the greatest moments we read about in Christ’s life is when He had one-on-one time with individuals. Jesus Himself was sensitive to the needs of those around Him. He was even aware when a woman touched the hem of His garment when He was in a large crowd. When an introvert is led by the Holy Spirit they will be powerful encouragers, amazing ministers and people will be blessed by their singular attention.

            Christian introverts need time to be alone. Since introverts take in all the details of their environment, familiar, comfortable, less stimulating surroundings is needed for rest and recharging. Alone time is absolutely necessary for a Christian introvert to continue to minister and give out. Often after Jesus ministered to the large crowds he went away alone to pray. Time alone is not such a weird idea. If an introvert doesn’t get alone time they will become irritable, ineffective and run the risk of burning out. It’s not such a strange idea for a minister to eat and sleep to keep his body in good condition and to give it strength. Why is it such a foreign idea for a minister to give their mind and spirit rest and sustenance to keep going? Maybe because we don’t believe it’s really necessary or because the way it is achieved is different from extroverts.  An extrovert can find rest in the midst of friends and activity. Introverts often need solitude and very little stimulation. Why do people find that so strange?

            Christian introverts have only a few close friends. This can be a problem in a church setting because Christians often believe they must be close to every Christian they know. Introverts give so much to the ones close to them that they cannot possibly give that much to everyone they know. Often those people close to them are their family members because their family understands them and often are like them. And to be honest, it’s just exhausting trying to be friends with people who don’t understand you and are constantly trying to “help” you out of what they feel is a problem - which is actually the way you were designed by God - and become more like them. When Jesus was on the earth was He close to everyone He met? No, to the Twelve.

            In Christianity, introverts are often the encouragers, the wisdom-givers, the prophets, the intuitive, those who care for the wounded and the young. They need to be appreciated for what they bring to the Body. I really wish we could stop insulting and belittling the introverts for needing their time and space. We need to allow them to function how they were designed.  I wish introverts didn’t have to apologize for needing time alone away from the crowds. I wish true introverts would look carefully at how God made them and stop giving introverts a bad name by being lazy and afraid to push past their comfort zone when the Holy Spirit leads and for abusing their God-given design by using it as an excuse to avoid conflict and discomfort. We need to realize that sacrifice is not a “one size fits all.” I don’t believe that people realize just how much personal comfort and peace introverts sacrifice to conform to Christian expectations. It’s time we appreciated our differences and welcomed the various gifts God gives to men. We need to allow people to live in the healthiest way possible – the way Christ showed us.     

Monday, January 20, 2014

Hopegivers 2014


I was honored to be asked to speak at Bethel Church's Hopegivers Seminar this past weekend. I love that church and it was great to be able to give back just a little of what they've given me.

I decided to share about stories. How stories are important. How OUR stories are important and how in the telling of our stories we give each other HOPE!
 
I shared a little "Mrs. Libby-ology" in that I think that there might be books in heaven, books about our lives. A little scary and a little exciting if you think about it.
 
 
 
"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." ~Psalm 139
 
 
If we view our lives as a story, especially a life story with God, then we can be assured of a happy ending! I think Jesus and Jane Austen are in agreement in that they want everyone to have a happy ending.
 
 
Our past is already written, but we can collaborate with God on our future, on the next hour, on the next minute and we can write a GREAT story with our lives!
 
If we are the main character, then we can choose to be the hero or a victim or a villain, it's our choice.
 
There is one thing we must remember about heroes:
 
 
In order to be a hero, he/she must fight a battle, overcome a great obstacle, survive a dangerous journey, or slay the dragon. A hero is not a hero without conflict!
 

Perhaps we should view our conflicts as opportunities to be a hero. Maybe it would give us confidence and strength to view our troubles as a chance to overcome, to win, to be victorious - to be the hero of our story. Maybe we wouldn't give up or give in so quickly. Maybe we would be encouraged to "do the right thing" instead of the selfish thing.  - Just a thought.
 
If we view our lives as stories, then perhaps we would see the people around us as characters in our stories and decide if they are helping move our story along to its happy ending or if they are a constant distraction or temptation to the hero (you) then perhaps you need to write them out of your story. Maybe you need to look for that loyal, supportive character to travel with you through your story.
 
We quite possibly need to decide if our setting is helping or hindering our hero. We might need a change of scenery.
 
What about the theme of our story? Have you ever met someone and they are just negative and critical and depressing? You know the theme of their story! Many people say they can't help being negative, that's the way they were raised or they blame events in their lives. I say "hogwash!" People can change the way they see life! If you look for the bad, that's all you'll see but if you look for the good you'll find it! What's the theme of your story? What do people say about you? Do they say, "she's always kind" or "she's always hateful"? You can decide what the theme of your story will be.
 
You can turn the page, end this chapter and begin a new one TODAY! I know old habits die hard, but if you keep working at it you can be the HERO of your story! The theme of your story can be LOVE and HOPE and PEACE!
 
Remember these verses:
 
2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
 
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
 
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
 
Don't waste your time re-reading the old chapters you've written. God forgives. God heals. God restores. God reconciles!
 
Start writing your new chapter today!
 
Peace to you,
Jill
 
 
 
 




Saturday, January 11, 2014

Hopegivers 2014 Music That Makes Me Happy Playlist

I came up with a playlist of music for the Hopegivers seminar and I wanted to share it in case anyone would like some suggestions for making a playlist of Music That Makes Me Happy!

Enjoy!

"Blessed" by Brett Dennen
"Singing in the Rain" by Gene Kelly
"Everybody" by Ingrid Michaelson
"Sunny Side of the Street" has been done by many but I like Billie Holliday's version
"Sound of Sunshine" by Michael Franti
"Follow Me" by Paul McCartney
"Laughing Song" by George Younce
"Mr. Blue Sky" by the Electric Light Orchestra
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by IZ
"That's Amore" by Dean Martin
"What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
"Something Beautiful" by NeedtoBreathe
"Shower the People" by James Taylor
"He Gives Us All His Love" by Randy Newman
"Foux Du Fafa" by Flight of the Conchords
"Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company D" by the Andrew Sisters
"Make Someone Happy" by Jimmy Durante
"Accentuate the Positive" by Bing Crosby
"It's a Good Day" by Perry Como
"Beautiful Morning" by the Rascals
"Home" by Phillip Phillips
"If I Knew You Were Coming Ida Baked a Cake" by Eileen Barton
"On the Rebound" by Floyd Cramer
"One Mint Julep" by Ray Charles
"Soul Bossanova" by Quincy Jones

Some of these didn't make my final cut for the Hopegivers playlist, but they're fun anyway.

Fighting With Laughter


I'm not even going to acknowledge how long it's been since I last posted. I'm not going to tell you about any New Year's resolutions about blogging. So, I'll just post. I really want to apologize and offer excuses and qualify, but I'm going to shut it and type.

I've had an invitation to speak at a women's seminar called Hopegivers next week. I've been thinking a lot about what I will share and I've been thinking a lot about comedy since that's a part of what I'll be talking about.

I just watched a biography about Rodney Dangerfield this morning and while his humor was never my cup of tea, I have to respect him as a comedian. In the bio they addressed and were fascinated with the same thing they are fascinated with in every comedian's life: how humor can come from such sadness and struggle and pain.

I'm sure there are thousands of theories explaining this phenomenon and I'll add three more.

One theory I have is that I think comedians are fighters. Depression, sadness, pain, abuse and all those other negative, horrible things pull humans down and threaten to suffocate them and kill them. Comedians fight that. They don't stand for it, they combat it with humor and laughter. They may have had a life or have a life that is dark and suffocating and they decide that they want to let light and air in and so they make it happen. They experiment with faces and actions and words until they find the right combination to unlock the cage they're in. The beauty is while they're ripping open the doors for themselves, they give such happiness to others.

Another theory I have is that comedians are generous. Because of the difficult lives or childhoods or painful experiences they understand loss and lack. They know what it's like to live in the dark drowning in sadness or neglect or pain and they decide that they will give to others what they wished they had. So, they bring to people the happiness and pleasure that they never had. And many, many comedians still don't have it even as they are bringing it to others. Because of all the pain that's why, I believe, many comedians are alcoholics, drug abuser and many have committed suicide.

My last theory is that some comedians use their comedy to express their anger and the pain and hurt and injustice they've experienced. This is the group that I don't really care to listen to because I feel used. I should be paid to hear them complain about their problems and anger. They use their comedy for venting. They appeal to those who wish they could say what the comedians say and get away with it. They insult, criticize, use a lot of vulgarity I've noticed and they're just generally mad at the world. They have their audience and their audience can have them. I personally wish they'd get a therapist and then come back to the stage and let's see if they can make me laugh.

I've heard comedians describe their work as a calling, a passion, they couldn't live without it, and I believe it's all true. Some people are just made to be funny and they can't NOT do it. It's how they've learned to survive and cope.

I tip my hat to all the comedians out there. Keep fighting!